Published on February 13th, 2014 | by Healthy Gay Lifestyles
Valentine’s Day Advice
By Joe Kort, PhD
Couples Advice on Valentine’s Day
Have Sex First
I heard this from Dan Savage, sex educator and advice columnist. His thoughts were if you wait until after dinner and drinks and desert you will be too bloated and tired to have sex. So do it first while you feel thinner and have energy!
Set Aside Your Differences
Couples need to realize that no matter how they are feeling towards each other you can always decide to take some time and find good will and enjoy connect in a positive way. The best thing a couple can realized is that even in the hardest times you can intentionally initiate something positive into the relationship.
Don’t Chalk Up Valentine’s Day as Just Another Hallmark Card Day
The reason I like Valentine’s Day is that it reminds people about love and intimacy. Couples get busy in their day to day activities and take each other for granted and often forget to tell each other how they feel. Valentine’s Day is nice reminder to slow down and take time for your relationship.
Singles Advice on Valentine’s Day
Use This Day As A Reminder to Keep or Get Back on Track
If you have stopped dating because you found it too stressful use this day as a reminder to get back out there. I work with a lot of single folks who feel frustrated about dating and find all types of reasons to avoid putting themselves out there to date. While it is okay to take breaks, it isn’t productive to avoid dating. Use Valentine’s Day as a push to get back into the dating scene.
Don’t Feel Sorry For Yourself
I know this is easier said than done. However, I have had clients tell me about their self-talk saying things like, “I will never find someone” and “everyone else has someone but me” will only make you feel worse. Besides, it isn’t true. What is true is that staying positive, imagining yourself with the right partner for you and creating and maintaining a vision of the relationship you would like to have is the best way to avoid feeling sorry for yourself.
Buy Yourself a Card
Be your own Valentine. Use the day to treat yourself the way you would like to be treated by a partner. Give yourself a break and pamper yourself.
Joe Kort, PhD is a psychotherapist, board-certified clinical sexologist, certified sexual addiction therapist, and certified lmago relationship therapist, practising for over 25 years. He is the author of, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love, and Gay-Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician. www.joekort.com.