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Published on May 8th, 2015 | by Healthy Gay Lifestyles


To Scratch or Not Scratch That Itch!

by Rick Clemons

Some see gay men as dogs in a dog park. As soon as a new furry piece of meat saunters into the park, all the dogs descend upon the new arrival sniffing out every orifice to determine if the new beast is play worthy, a threat, or not worth a nose sniff of the hindquarters.

With that visual in mind, consider a group of gay men – in a bar, at the beach, on a crowded gay cruise – and you have to admit, the same thing pretty much happens. Yet the real question is, “Which itch are gay men really scratching to itch?”

a) Sexual itch
b) Relationship itch
c) Friend itch
d) None of the above

I say it could be all of the above including, none of the above.

Gay men, yes I realize I am generalizing and pulling the whole herd into the corral, have a desire to scratch the itch, but they’re scratching the wrong itch with some fantasized version of the right reason. Of course, if you have some irritable itch in your nether reasons – groin or butt – then scratch it and go see a doctor if it persists.

I might suggest you do the same – go see a Dr., Therapist, Coach – if you’re scratching the same itches in life and the itch persists. Nothing is going to take away the itch for a new job, a richer relationship, more friends, better sex, more responsibility, deeper intimacy…shall I go on? Any of this starting to sound familiar MEN?

Of course it is. We humans – especially us men – are restless hunters and conquerors. To be quiet, mindful, and settled is a slap in the face of our genetic making – even if you are a quiet wallflower. Deep within our souls is this desire for more, more, more. More love, sex, money, satisfaction, power, fun, sleep, sex – I mentioned sex already didn’t I? Yes. More, more, more is what we all desire. Even the mindful ones, want to be more mindful, be more at peace, and have an even more quiet mind. Right?

And thus the itches, that need to be scratched. So what’s a MAN to do? By golly, by gosh, SCRATCH THAT ITCH!

1. Be clear about the itch and what needs scratching. If you’re bored at your job, determine if it is boredom, lack of challenge, or maybe you’re ticked because you got passed over for that promotion.

2. Feel it up! No I’m not being perverse. If I was you’d know it. What I’m suggesting and you not only get clear, you dig deep into what you want to feel and experience when that itch finally gets scratched. What feelings do you want to experience when you have deeper, more intimate, love-making sex with your man?

3. Don’t dawdle. All right, you may have to be of a certain age or have been raised in the middle states to know what DAWDLE means. It means don’t sit on your ass waiting for something to happen. If you’re not having great sex at home because you aren’t having sex, well…not sure what to tell you than to “Start having sex!” Take action on the itch and make something happen.

4. Talk about the itch. Yes guys, communication is key, whether its about your lousy sex life, life-draining job, or lack of confidence. All those itches need to be voiced and talked about with the right people. Your friends, husband, boyfriends, parents, siblings, BFF girlfriend. Don’t be ashamed, however, do be selective. Don’t pick people that will cuddle you up and say, “It’s ok, boo boo.” They’re not in it for your best interest. Find the ones you know well tell you to get on with life, and scratch the itch…but they’ll say it in a loving way that will challenge you to “get ‘er done!”

Now, I’m curious, how many of you guys have rushed to the medicine cabinet to grab your calamine lotion, because all this talk about “scratching that itch” has made you itchy! Good luck with that. Instead, take the four step above and call me in the morning…I’ll be glad to help you get set straight…not heterosexual, just straight towards the path you want to get on.

Rick Clemons, Life Strategist, Author, Professional Speaker, Entrepreneur

Ready to break the mold of let’s just screw and see where that gets us? Take a chance, invest in getting to know yourself at a deeper level, and create a life strategy for dating, mating, and making work Man2Man. Schedule your strategy session today for free!

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