Past Issues Gay couple in the park

Published on November 18th, 2014 | by Healthy Gay Lifestyles

Is Gay Love Real Or A Pipe Dream?

by Rick Clemons

I have to confess. I’m sitting in my back yard, over looking our pool (which is a little low due to the drought), gazing out across the fall haze (probably smog) towards the mountains, and wondering, “Am I the only gay man in Southern California, or the world for that matter, who’s ever questioned if gay love is for real or just a nightmare wet dream?”

Sure, I’m taken, been had a few times along my gay journey, and each step of the way I’ve continued to ponder whether love with another man is truly possible. And no, you don’t have the right to call me cynical. At least not until you finish reading the rest of what I’m about to share with you.

You know I’m right. You’ve sat there pining after real love with a man, only to get bitten by the don’t think so big, and before you know it there calling your name. “Bitter queen, party of one!” Admit it. You’ve been there, more times than you’d like to admit.

The real challenge, other than finding a man with a nice bubble butt, pecs of steel, furry chest, great endowment (financially and otherwise) is finding a guy that you can actually say, “Yes. I really love him with real love, not that plastic kind of love.” It’s almost as hard finding real love with a man, as it is to find a top! Not that I’ve been looking for one. I’ll just let that last comment sit there and let you ponder my positional preferences.

Unfortunately, even with 30 states and counting letting us queers marry, finding true love seems to be a daunting task and a real pipe dream for many a gay man…or is it? Let’s examine that question, shall we?

For starters, what proof beyond a reasonable doubt do you have that gay love isn’t possible? Yes, you’re under oath to answer that question truthfully, otherwise I will start badgering the witness and not in a way that you’ll enjoy saying, “Yes, sir!”

Truths we buy into are only true once proven to be true. If you believe that gay love, the deep, intimate, got your back type of love isn’t possible between two men, then you need to uncover where that belief came from. Somewhere along your battlefield of dating and mating, you’ve hit some landmines that exploded this thought into your own warped sense of reality. Go make nice with this thought and get to know it so you can strip it of its power and get back to believing you can find true love!

That last statement leads us to the next are of exploration. Are your expectations coming from a land far, far away? A land, that only Steven Spielberg could imagine, if he was into creating gay love stories with just the right amount of intergalactic soft porn to make it interesting. Sounds crazy right? Well so do your expectations about love at times too!

Expectations are dream killers. The more you expect, the harder it is to fulfill your dream – erotic or otherwise. In this case your high standards for love, love, love to reel Mr. Right into your life, just may be the kiss of death before you even get to tongue dive his throat! Grab your checklists and expectations and re-examine them for rigor mortis. If you’re expectations are stiff as your stiffy and there’s no bending, you might want to consider becoming more like Bamboo and bending a little on your expectations.

Of course I saved the best “Is gay love for real” question for last. What does gay love mean to you? A good stiff one in the crevice? Possibly a quiet night on the sofa with not a word uttered between you? Maybe it’s knowing that no matter what, you’ve still got each other’s back even if you’re both bottoms.

Seriously! How do you define gay love? And why? Both are very pertinent, important, do not pass go questions! You gotta get in tune with your internal playlist about gay love guys. If you don’t know what it means to you and why, then how are you ever going to the get the gods and goddesses of the universe to deliver it to you? Get serious, get naked and raw with yourself about what gay love truly means to you and you just might be surprised how quickly it comes to you…maybe even on you for that matter.

And how do I know this to be true? Well 13 years and counting kind of makes me an authority on the matter of gay love. Doesn’t mean it’s perfect but even in the imperfection I’ve defined what imperfect gay love means for me and it’s still working. Now, I gotta go get out of this sun. I’m starting to see mirages of naked men laying around our pool. Not that that is a bad thing, I just want my partner to confirm they’re real so we can both enjoy the scenery!


Rick Clemons, Life Strategist, Author, Professional Speaker, Entrepreneur

Ready to break the mold of let’s just screw and see where that gets us? Take a chance, invest in getting to know yourself at a deeper level, and create a life strategy for dating, mating, and making work Man2Man. Schedule your strategy session today for free!

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