Past Issues Cell Phone Man Park

Published on September 30th, 2014 | by Healthy Gay Lifestyles

Get A Life Before You Get Arthritis & Can’t Type On Your Phone App!

by Rick Clemons

Hello brothers. It’s your gay Godfather coming to you with a plea. No, I take that back. I’m coming to you with a threat.

If you don’t get off your damn apps you’re not going to be able to jerk off…seriously…you’ll be going blind and have arthritis!

I was just in NYC for a couple of days. Hung around Chelsea, The Village, and of course a few of the gay places to be seen, and I suddenly became very concerned for my gay brothers. Every where I looked gay men were heads down – the one on your shoulders – staring intently at their phones of choice typing on them as if there was a fire sale on Andrew Christian underwear that included free shipping and the models. In fact, I saw one young guy wander aimlessly down the subway station stairs head down on phone, only to pop back up on the other side of the street, still head down on phone, typing away.

BOYS, MEN…this texting, app obsessive syndrome is potentially going to be the end of gay men as we know them, and that would be a true waste of good man meat!

Granted, I love my apps as much as the next guy, but they’re not meant to be our cuddle bunnies, or bedfellows. Of course I’m happily coupled and don’t use Scruff, Growlr, and Grindr to lull myself to sleep. Ok, I use them for different purposes and that’s all I’ll say, and no I’m not a slut! But the truth is, my apps have a bedtime curfew the same way I do.

What concerns me most about our culture – not just gay culture – is we’re not communicating with real people like real people any longer. Has life really gotten this busy and out of control that we can’t talk amongst ourselves anymore without our phone, computer or tablets at hand? Yes, I realize that it’s easier to meet more guys with all these little apps, but what happens when it finally comes time to meet them in real life? GASP! They might be living, breathing, shirt wearing men who do have a head on their shoulders even though their pictures lead us to believe otherwise.

Here’s what I propose to wean us all from our technology for just a little while each week, so that we can get back to “touchy, touchy, touchy, touching me” for one little sliver of time in our lives.

1. Keep track of how much time you spend on your apps for just one day. I know, you probably need an app for that. Heck, there’s probably one in the APP Store, so go download it for crying out loud! Once you know how much time you spent on your app, multiply that amount of time by your hourly wage, and them multiply that number by 5 days a week. Now if you feel like you’re having a heart attack because of how much money you’re spending to be on your apps, then call 911. But before you do, please write me a check for 25% of that amount for providing you with the wake up call. Trust me it’s probably cheaper than a months worth of life strategy sessions with me. But, I’m willing to sacrifice my top line revenue to give you a little wake up call! However, seriously, imagine paying yourself for all the time you spend on your apps and think of all the fun stuff you could do with that money, like hiring a life strategist to get you moving quicker and more focused towards your goals. Heck you could even pay one to help you figure out what your goals are for that matter!

2. Pick one person a day that you’re texting with, and shock them. Pick up the phone and call them. Let them hear your sexy, swarthy, I am man, voice. And if you don’t have a sexy, swarthy, I am man voice, trust me, they’ll love to hear you rather than to receive a text from you, unless it’s your homosexual hating aunt from Poughkeepsie, then of course don’t waste your breath or break a nail texting her. Now for those you do care about and decide to call, you might have to immediately hang up the phone and call 911 because you’ve shocked them into a heart attack because you called them live versus texting them. The good news is, you probably met a hunky EMT when you called 911 for yourself, because even during your heart attack you were conscious enough to request a hot EMT, and your friend having heart attack will give you an opportunity to meet him at your friend’s house and ride in the ambulance again with him. See, I’m a matchmaker too and truly have your best interest in mind!

3. 10 – 10 – 10 Breakdown. Ok, this might seem like a lot for some of you, but I have one question, “Do you have 10 minutes to spare?” Don’t say you don’t because you do, you just don’t think you do. Everyone of us 10 minutes to spare. The reason I call this the 10 – 10 – 10 Breakdown, is because you should take a 10 minute breakdown from technology in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Why? Oh, I don’t know! Maybe because it will be good for you! All it takes is one 10 minute unplug from everything to clear your head, your stress, and to slow down your crazy making, GO GO GO mentality. Of course I’m sure just the through of this is already stressing some of you out, so how about let’s start with 5 – 5 – 5 and ease you into 10 – 10 -10. Sound good?

While these are three simple, yet effective reasons and tips for getting off, I mean, getting off your technology, there also one other prevailing reason.

Before you know it, our iPhones and SmartPhones are going to be so damn big that you might end up injuring yourself trying to carry one, so why not start weaning yourself off little by little now! Of course the other way to look at using bigger, larger SmartPhoes, is it’s a workout and everything looks bigger and more life like on a 5.5″ screen, even a 5.5″ inch…well you get my drift!


Ready to break the mold of let’s just screw and see where that gets us? Take a chance, invest in getting to know yourself at a deeper level, and create a life strategy for dating, mating, and making work Man2Man. Schedule your strategy session today for free!

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