Mental Health Business woman walking on the street

Published on October 22nd, 2014 | by Healthy Gay Lifestyles


Can We Still Look At Pretty Women? The Power of First Recognition

by George M. Akerley

Are you like me? Do you see a pretty woman, turn around and look again? Yes, I realize you’re not aroused by the sighting, but there’s that trigger in your mind that causes you to think, “nice legs, cute ass.”

Does that mean you’ve lost what was so dear to you? Are you a lesser gay man for taking the time to appreciate feminine beauty? What will you tell your man?! Will you even mention it? Not likely.

I’m here to tell you that it’s alright. Remember, you were brought into this world as a heterosexual being. Unless you were born in the last few years, that’s the case. One of the first things you learned about “the facts of life” was that boys and men are attracted to girls and women…end of story.

As time went on, of course, you recognized the beauty of that boy in the other shower stall; you noticed how pretty a certain boy’s eyes were; and you startled yourself when your penis twitched the day you met that new kid in the neighborhood.

Have no fear! Just because you recognize the beauty of a woman, that doesn’t mean you have to break off your relationship and try to re-learn all that Mom and Dad tried to teach you about girls.

I was brought up that way, too. Girls and boys went together, obviously. It was “queer” for a boy to be interested in another boy. Those girls who giggled in private were often referred to as “Lesbos” or “Lezzies.”

“No, you may not step out with that queer.” That was the instruction beaten into your head.

As we grew out of our adolescence, we discovered an entirely new world. Surrounded by handsome young men, we began to wonder why they looked so yummy. Could it have been that what we were told was false? But, hold on a minute — I just saw Janey walk by, and she looked hot! Gosh, I’m not aroused or anything, but she sure is cute! Wait! There’s Tommy! Oh, My God he’s so adorable!

Oh man, what is going on? Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I bisexual? Well, of course the answer to one of those questions is “yes.”

Your innate knowledge of yourself will cause you to snap out of it. Look again…your eyes followed Tommy all the way down the street; you looked at Janey for a moment, but lost track when he came into view.

Never fear, my friend. There is no correlation between admiring a woman’s body or face and the actual and factual desire for a man. You are a man of taste and discernment — you know beauty when you see it.

Okay…Janesy’s cute as hell, but Tommy is so hot! I guess that momentary view of her was a remnant of your youth. Recognizing his hotness is a manifestation of your real sexual attraction.

Never fear. If you’re gay, you’ll recognize the differences and you need not fear the possibility that you’re straight.

Beauty is, as its been said countless times, in the eye of the beholder. Sexuality, on the other hand, is in the makeup of the person.


George M. Akerley is a well-traveled and enlightened gay man, with a fervent desire to help his fellow travelers through the processes of recognition, acceptance, enjoyment and fulfillment as gay. He has struggled in his own life with acceptance of being gay, and knows that others suffer in dreadful ways. By sharing concepts and precepts, he hopes to have a powerful and important impact on others in similar situations.

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